Today, for the second night in a row, I stayed awake to see Lady Macbeth apparently sleepwalk. The Gentlewoman, who also looks after Lady Macbeth, had told me of times that she had seen the Queen carry out this strange behaviour. I haven’t yet had the luck to observe this yet, but I think I’ll give it one more night. But if this sleepwalking account were true then it wouldn’t surprise me because recently the queen has been getting more and more distant from the king, and she has also been acting very peculiar most recently, as if she is trying to keep something from me. Usually, if there was anything wrong with her she would tell me, as I am her doctor, she would trust me and reveal what is wrong. I haven’t any idea what she is trying to hide, but I have heard many rumours.
For example, I have heard that the murder of MacDuff’s dear wife and loved child, were brutally murdered by the King, and that the murders of Duncan and Banquo, were also engineered by MacBeth, as maybe he thought they stood in his way of becoming King.
January 14th Wednesday
I have just witnessed what I never thought I would witness in my whole existence. Seeing someone sleepwalk is frightening enough, but seeing someone that is senior and superior to you sleepwalk is absolutely shocking. When I first began my night’s watch I didn’t believe for 1 second that I would observe Lady Macbeth sleepwalk. When she first staggered into the dark room, it suddenly filled with light, causing large shadows all around us, as the queen has requested that a taper must be by her side at all times. I do not know why this is, it could be that she is afraid of the dark, or that she feels that a candle will scare away the evil spirits that arise at night. I first thought that Lady Macbeth was awake, but I soon realised that she was a sleep because of the lifeless, blank glare on her face.
This came as a surprise to me because I never thought I would see her like this. I feel that I will be seeing her in a different light after this incident as she wouldn’t struck me as a person who would do such things.
She spoke some random meaningless words, such as ‘Hell is murky’, and ‘soldier’, which had no meaning to me, but obviously disturbing her mind.
The one she said which stunned me the most was ‘who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?’. There are many people who she could have been talking about, but I feel that the most likely person was King Duncan but I have had my suspicions all along.
She may have been confessing something that she was too afraid to say when she was awake. I sense that this is what the real Lady Macbeth is like and she is hiding herself behind her clothes, a bit like a mask, when she’s awake.
Furthermore she was rubbing her hands vigorously, as if she was trying to wash them of something. She was also shouting ‘out damn spot, out’. She may have felt that there is something on her hands that she needs to get rid of, but it seems that no matter what she does, it won’t come out.
These words and visions of Lady Macbeth have disturbed my mind and have frightened me. I always had my qualms and suspicions about Lady Macbeth and Macbeth murdering Duncan, but actually hearing them from the Queens mouth has terrified me, as when you find out something is true it’s always worse. My conclusions of Lady Macbeth tonight are that she is mentally disturbed and to cure her of this would be out of my reach. I am used to treating people of the flu, minor cuts and bruises, and maybe a major surgery once in a while, but nothing like this, for this reason I do not feel that I am capable of doing this duty.
January 18th Saturday
Today, when I told Macbeth of his wife’s dear behaviour he told me very bluntly ‘Cure her of that’. But of what? I have not got the power to cure her of the unknown disease that she has. His reply showed me that he does not care much for his wife, it was as if he was dismissing the case as if it was nothing, and he does not realise the full extent of his wife’s illness.
At the beginning of our meeting, Macbeth had a lot of strange information, which I had no idea where he got it from. He said ‘Till Birnam wood remove to Dunsinane I cannot taint with fear’. But where did he get this information? Who has he been associating with outside the castle? I found this very strange and eerie because it seemed that he knew too much for his own good.
When the servant came to warn Macbeth of the approaching soldiers, he called him a ‘lily-liver’d boy’, for no apparent reason, and I found this quite distressing, as when King Duncan was around he wouldn’t curse his servants, he would speak to them with respect and dignity. It is a great contrast between Macbeth and Duncan, and how Scotland has changed for the worse since Macbeth has taken over. Scotland has become such a miserable place to live in. During Duncans reign, Scotland, out motherland, was always a happy place to live. People would smile and apart from the odd death, no-one would live their life in fear. The people of Scotland were proud of the achievements that their country had made. King Duncan was also well respected by everyone, and the streets of Scotland were filled with feelings of community and contentment.
But now they seem to be filled with yelps and screams of death, people stealing of each other they once lent items to. Rain clouds seem to fill the skies all the time and frowns cover men’s faces. It seems that it is constant night, as constant evilness is around us. This land is no longer a place for us to live but a place for us to die. I realised today that this isn’t a place for me, or any one else for that matter, to live in, and feel that it is necessary for myself to emigrate to England to avoid being in any needless danger.
I realised this today during my conversation with Macbeth. I felt that I didn’t want the life that would be filled with fear.
Toady, however, during my talk with Macbeth I realised that the heinous fiend he had turned into was not the true Macbeth. He told me that when he became king he expected to have everything, but it didn’t turn out how he wanted. It was his greed and ambition that turned him into this deceitful man. Before Macbeth became king he was valiant and brave and was well respected but has changed to a murdering lying ‘fiend’, through ambition and greed.
January 22nd Thursday
Today, I have heard the awful news of Lady Macbeth. I stopped a messenger while he was going to inform England of this news and he told me that the Queen had died while taking a bath in the castle three days ago. She was found drowned at the bottom of the bath, but whether it was a murder or suicide we’ll never know. An image of her lifeless, empty body lays imprinted on my mind.
I could foresee this happening, but had never expected it to be so soon. I really feel sorry for her as she was once such a elegant lady with charm, but had turned into a sleepwalking, unhappy lady, but I do feel she had too much pride to kill herself.
I, myself do not believe that she had commit suicide because even though she was mentally disturbed, by day she seemed to be contented with her life, whether she was hiding her depression, I do not know for sure, but I do believe there is more behind it then suicide.
I have some suspicions on who the murderer is, that is if there was one. I feel that it is most likely to be Macbeth. This may be because he felt that she was giving away to much about their plans and schemes. He may have felt sorry for her as he could she her mental torture, and knew that she couldn’t cope with it.
But I sure am thankful that I’m not working at that castle any more. If it was suicide then Macbeth may have blamed me for this and as the consequence murdered me.
I am on my last leg on my journey to England and believe that when I get there I can start a new life for my self, as a baker.