Mr and Mrs Kurse-huw lives at number 13 Unlucky Street. They’d lived there all their lives with their son Stoppit. They where a very normal family with the daily squabbles over who had set dads alarm clock to six instead of seven, why the cat was in the fridge, Stoppit not wanting to go to school and whether to watch Eastenders or A question of sport on TV. Aside from the normal family was something abnormal, a boy the same age as Stoppit. He was Mrs. Kurse-huw’s brother’s, daughter’s, Aunt’s, nephew. His name was Larry and he was not normal.
He liked going to school, he never lost anything and didn’t mind watching what was on TV but he preferred to read instead! He was a strange looking boy too. He had lost his parents when he was very young in a terrible accident involving a garden hose, a pair of rusty hedge trimmers and a garden gnome. In the mist of this accident happening Larry had supposedly taken a nasty blow to the head by a low flying seagull. Leaving him with a scar on his forehead in the shape of a well-known breakfast cereal logo.
One day the Kurse-huw’s where sat at breakfast arguing over who had eaten the last of Stoppit’s sugar puffs, when a letter came through the door. Mr Kurse-huw got up and waddled, due to him being just a little over weight, all 27 stone of it, to the front door and went to pick up the letter. Mrs Kurse-huw and Stoppit heard a huge crash and came running to see what it could be, it turned out to be that Mr Kurse-huw had tripped over his own stomach and was now lying on his back. As Mrs Kurse-huw went to get the forklift truck to help Mr. Kurse-huw back up, Stoppit picked up the letter and proceeded to attempt to read the front of the envelope.
Stoppit started to sound out the word. “Mer L-Ah-ree-F-loo-per, Dad! Who’s Mer Lahree Flu-per? ” said Stoppit. Mrs Kurse-huw at this point was positioning the prongs of the forklift under Mr Kurse-huw’s belly. “You stupid twit of a boy, that’s Mr Larry Flopper, that loser who lives in the shed! ” Mr Kurse-huw said he was now standing again and looking rather shaken. He snatched the letter off Stoppit and went back to the kitchen, picked up the bread knife and slashed open the envelope getting it covered in raspberry jam and butter in the process.
He took the piece of paper from the envelope giving it a quick lick as to get rid of the jam and started to read the letter. His beady eyes where barely seen under his frowning forehead skimming the page. After a minute, he let out strange noise of disgust, which sounded a bit like a rhino with toothache. He screwed up the letter went out the back door into the garden and poured a tank of petrol over it, then drawing his lighter, lit the paper. It didn’t have a chance to burn the paper disintegrated as soon as the flame touched it.
Larry Flopper appeared at the shed door with a big smile on his face and wearing his best school uniform. I say, what’s all the commotion about,” Said Larry. “Nowt that concerns you, now clear off! ” replied Mr Kurse-huw. “Right oh! I’m as good as gone! ” and with that Larry disappeared back into the wooden garden shed. The next day two more identical letters arrived through the door. Mr Kurse-huw disposed of them in the same way as before but the next day four arrived Mr Kurse-huw disposed of them, Then the next day eight arrived, and the next day sixteen, and the next day thirty-two, and they kept coming every day doubling in number each time.
Mr Kurse-huw was running out of ways of destroying them until one day he gave in. Mr Kurse-huw walked down the plain paving slab path past the Elvis water feature and banged hard on the shed door. Larry answered most politely. Mr Kurse-huw rammed one of the letters in Larry’s hand and said. “This letter has been arriving for you every day this week and I’ve been destroying them but I give up have your letter. ” Larry took the gold letter opener off his desk and tore through the envelope in one swift move.
He looked at the page of writing for a few seconds his eyes scanning back and forth. Oh thank you but I’ve already had this letter it was delivered the start of last week, I do hate readers digest they just keep sending you stuff that you don’t want, could you dispose of it for me? ” Mr Kurse-huw let out a blood-curdling scream and stormed along the paving stone path turning the slabs into not so much crazy pathing, or gravel but more like sand. Larry Flopper woke at one minute to seven, folded back the duvet stood up, replaced the duvet, fluffed his pillow and without it getting a chance to beep hit the stop button on the alarm clock as it turned seven.
There was then a knock at the door, Larry opened it and saw no one. He then heard a purr, looking down he saw an unusual creature its front end was a ginger, stripped cat but the rear end was like a walrus with a leathery, grey flipper. “Good morning” said the creature in a high class English accent. Larry knew what day it was. It was time, time to leave. He replied with a friendly, welcoming gesture and walked back into the stained wooden shed followed by the creature. Larry placed a saucer of milk on the floor and opened a tin of sardines.
He then got dressed into his best blue suit, with a freshly starched white shirt, gold engraved cufflinks and red tie. Slipped on his shining loafers and exited the shed, picking up his briefcase on the way, the creature sort of floundered after him flicking the door shut on the way out with his tail. The creature was actually called Strife, he was a magical creature who could change shape and was Larry’s guardian… um… creature. A bit like a guardian angel, but only not an angel. Strife had a bit of trouble with the shape-changing bit too, explaining why he was not a whole creature now.
It was Larry’s first day going to business school. He had won a scholarship to the most world-renowned school of business ever, ‘The Academy of Remarkably Special Entrepreneurs’ or A. R. S. E for short. He walked extra fast to the station with Strife now hanging on his arm as an umbrella. As he walked he breathed in deeply and felt a great excitement rush through him. Larry Arrived at the station and bought his ticket with a crisp, freshly ironed ten pound note, as he handed it over he thought he’ll be making a lot more of these now he’s an ARSE… student.
The train was twenty-seven minutes late; Larry climbed aboard and sat down in a seat with a table. Across from him was sat a Chinese gentleman with a long grey beard he appeared to be asleep. Larry opened his brief case and started to eat his breakfast of corned beef sandwiches and a flask of tea. Suddenly the train jerked and there was the sound of the trains breaks squeaking. Larry looked out the window and saw sparks coming from the wheels; he began to panic a little. The train came to a dead stop with a lurch.
Suddenly the door to the carriage behind him was blown off its hinges with an almighty blow. It shot along the aisle and hit the door at the other end. Through the cloud of smoke and dust from the doorway appeared an old man coughing and spluttering he was wearing what seemed to be robes and a pointed hat. He stepped into the carriage. Larry hid behind his open briefcase. Then he felt a hard tap on his head. He looked over the lid and saw the funny old man before him holding an intricately carved staff.
“Your on the wrong train me boy! exclaimed the old man. Larry didn’t know what to say but replied “I’m on the right train for the Academy of Remarkably Special Entrepreneurs” The man gave Larry a startled look. “Your supposed to be coming to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry(c), didn’t you get the letter? ” Larry stuttered, “I didn’t get any letters, apart from a readers digest prize draw. ” “Sorry what’s your name? ” replied the old man. “Err… Larry Flopper, Sir” “Oh dear I am terrible sorry to have bothered you like this I was looking for Harry Potter(c), Well… um… hy don’t you try and just forget this entire thing ever happened, good bye! ” and with that, the old man disappeared in another cloud of smoke. Larry didn’t know what had happened.
Then the door that had been blown off its hinges and was at the other end of the carriage, flew back down the aisle and replaced its self as though at had never moved. Larry looked at the Chinese man sat across from him; he was still asleep, oblivious to any of what had just happened. Larry slumped in his seat and let out a small whine of shock, disbelief, fear and confusion all rolled into one.