The cold burst of wind shot a frozen sensation up my spine. I sat there, all alone curled up in a ball to retain the heat. I wondered, “Why is she doing this to me? ” My eyes locked on the rotting door, waiting for her to enter. As I sat there in my ball, rocking back and forth trying and wishing to get myself back to sleep, I could hear the sound of freedom. The birds singing, the autumn trees hitting against the fragile glass, knowing that if I escape I could be free too, but I know that, that will never happen. As I am mother’s prisoner! I had one way and one way only of admiring the outside world.
I dragged my lifeless body across the cold cement floor to the garage door. I peeped through the smallest crack and saw light. Even though I could only see the slightest piece of God’s creation, it was magnificent. The vibrant colours made my eyes hurt, the smell was unreal. I can see a family walking down the street, and my heart starts to ache as I thought about how lucky and happy they were. There’s people everywhere, the postman doing his daily rounds, the small lady that walks her dog and then the children playing in the street, without a care in the world.
I wish my life was still like that. I hate looking at the outside world because it always upsets me, to see that I’m so close to having something, and yet it’s impossible. If someone came close enough to the garage door I could even touch them. But no one will come near me, well not just me, my house in general. They all know what mother’s like. Deranged, crazed, selfish and deluded, these are just a few of the names I’ve her about her in the street. All of a sudden my fantastic dreaming came to an end.
My heart started beating faster and faster, so fast that I thought it was going to jump out of my bony chest, as I heard HER! I could feel the vibrating on my bum, from sitting on the cold concrete floor as mother began to get closer and closer to me. I know what she wants; she wants to play one of her sick games again! “Boy, get up now!! ” she yelled. I shot up like a rocket, my heart beat was increasing. I knew this was the start of her games. Every morning I dread this, because I know, that from when I wake up until when I sleep, her wish is my command.
Dreaming is my only chance of happiness and escaping, I thought to myself as I tried not to focus on her glazed evil eyes. She couldn’t even hold herself up, it was as though the weight of her 7 stone body was too much for her to handle. As she began to get closer to me, I could smell the stale hint of booze on her breath, as she told me to get on with my daily chores. I could only see her yellow teeth, uneven and jagged, shaped like gravestones. I wasn’t paying attention to her and next minute, all I can remember was her claw striking my frozen face.
The intensity was unreal and once again my life plunged into darkness. I could feel something strange in my side, as if someone was hitting me with a burning hot poker, only to realise, and waking up to the fact that mother was beating me again. The force of her blows was like torture. I would rather be in a gas chamber dying, because I at least these games would not continue and my miserable life would come to an end. It’s as though mother thinks she’s Hitler, she loves the fact that she has 100% control over me. She doesn’t know when to stop, it’s like she’s possessed.
It’s as though im a shadow, she can see me, but I don’t exist. I wish she couldn’t see me then maybe I wouldn’t be her slave. “You! Get up and do your chores, you’re so worthless, who would want a child like you!! ” she shrieked like a banshee as she tugged me up the cracked stairs by the ear. “Clean the toilets! ” mother squealed in my ear, whilst she handed me a brown worn out toothbrush, to clean the dirty toilets with… again I went off into my own world, that toothbrush used to be mine, when I was actually part of the family, I missed the good days!
Suddenly my nose began to pick up the smell of freshness… then my eyes seized up, mother had left the front door open, I stood at the top of the garage steps amazed at what I was seeing, the real world. I could make a break for it now and mother wouldn’t suspect a thing, she probably wouldn’t even realise I was gone. What am I saying of course she would, who would clean up and make her food she certainly cant do any of these things for herself, she can barely stand. She needs me. No!
She doesn’t need me, I’ve suffered for long enough, it was time she had a wake up call, she needs to learn how to do these things for herself, and she can’t keep me a prisoner for ever. Voices in my head told me to run, and then my body told me to stay, as I thought of the consequences of what mother would do if I did escape. Then before I knew it, my legs started to move, running towards the door, as if I had no control over them. As soon as I knew it I’d reached the door, I just kept running, I did not hesitate to look back. The sounds and the smells were all so different to me.
It was as if I hadn’t seen colour before. Luscious green trees blowing back and forth in the wind, their long leaves waving at me as I ran by. The blushing roses as red as blood blossoming in the spring and the smell of fresh air made me feel so alive. I was dazed. It was a lot different being here, than it was looking at things through my crack in the garage door. It was purer, nicer and simpler. I never want to go back to that place, not when I can be somewhere like this. I can’t believe I put up with that torture for so long, I should have had the courage to do this years ago.
It was magnificent. Without realising I had stopped dead in my tracks, mesmerised by what I was seeing. I had to keep moving though, it wouldn’t be long until mother realised I was gone. The question wasn’t, “how fast should I run? ” but “where do I go? ” Everything was new to me, should I just keep walking? I had been walking for over an hour and still had no where to go. By this point I was so weak with hunger, that I wasn’t sure how much further I would be able to go. My nose picked up the scent of pizza, I could feel my mouth watering like a tap, I pulled myself together following the smell.
My legs were trembling; I had no energy to keep me going. “I need to find food quick,” I thought. Looking around me trying to search for food I suddenly found energy, when I saw a light coloured sign saying “Terry’s Pizza Bar! ” my legs started to move fast and carry me, before I knew it I was in the door step of the bar. I crawled in trying to find help. “Can I help you? ” asked a customer. I was too weak to reply. He left me. I saw him pulling his phone out of his pocket and ask for the police. I refuse to go back to that hell hole! I dragged myself up and ran.
I needed to get away, if mother found me my life wouldn’t be worth living. I ran into a park and hid myself beneath the foliage. I could hear police sirens ringing in my ears. Every little noise made me flinch. A leaf rustling, a twig snapping or even an innocent birds chirp. This was torture, just waiting and not knowing what was happening. Maybe it would be better if I went home; at least I would be out of my misery once and for all. My eyes started to droop and I fell into a deep sleep. I felt a sharp pain searing through my shoulder and my body left the floor.
It was the police. My worst nightmare had come true! I was thrown into the back of the car; my fragile body collided with the window. I looked on helplessly as my beautiful surroundings would once again turn into darkness. We pulled up outside the house, mother came to the door, and she put on her fake smile and actually made it look like she gives a damn about me. “Thank God you found him, I was so worried! ” I actually started to believe it myself, maybe this has made her realise and change, but no as soon as we were behind closed doors, the sick games started once again.